I remember the last day of each school year all to well. My friends would rejoice over getting out of school, excited about the things they would be experiencing over the summer. Cookies and juice would flow in abundance, freedom was just a few bells away. Everyone seemed to be glad…
except for me.
It’s not that I was a downer to the party, or even mentioned what I was feeling to anyone, because I didn’t. I kept what I knew to be true inside… deep inside.
Things would never be the same.
The relationships that were formed during that year would last but that mix of people would never be in the same class again. Groups would change, dynamics would change, and the ones you were closest to, you may or may not see them much the following year or during the summer for that matter.
Though you desired for the relationships to remain strong, deep inside I knew that was not really possible and over time things would shift and change to correspond with the new reality that was set in motion by the mere ringing of the last bell on the last day of school.
Here lately there have been several events that have occurred in my life that has brought me back to the same feeling I experienced at the end of each school year. Currently, my wife’s grandmother has passed away, not only will we miss her, it will also end a 19 year stretch of Christmas, Thanksgiving and Easter gatherings. But more than the holiday gatherings it will change the way we interact with that side of the family.
The mix will never be the same without her there.
In this case though, there will not be the “we are going to keep our friendships the same” speeches. There will be too much mourning for that to happen.
Mourning that we should feel anytime a bell rings for the last time
I think people try to cover up dark feelings with warm thoughts of “we will work to keep things the same”, its an attempt to make the pain go away or relieve it a bit – but the reality is we are fooling ourselves, for when someone leaves, passes away or something like a class ends… things have changed, will never be the way that they once were and we need to embrace the sadness of that reality.
God created us with emotions. We are supposed to feel different ways. Our emotions are not supposed to get out of hand nor are we supposed to cover up or suppress the bad ones…
the ones we never really want to experience.
Emotions help us if we use them right. They help us transition into the new environment that was brought about by a particular circumstance whether it was a good or bad one.
At some point we have to come to the place where we live honestly with how we are feeling.
Things change, come to an end, and new days begin more often than we want them too. The end of somethings is sad , for others it’s a joyous occasion and each should be experienced with the right emotional balance.
Lets not cover up the reality of what has happened with phrases that are only meant to soften the blow. Let’s express ourselves, not in a shocking out of kilter sort of way, but in a balanced way that brings closure and healing to the situation that is occurring.
So that’s my ramble – maybe tomorrow the post will flow a bit better…